What I’m Reading: How Babies Sleep
I’m currently reading How Babies Sleep by Helen L. Ball, and wow — it’s been such a welcome addition to my resource library. It’s surprisingly hard to find a book on baby sleep that’s actually grounded in research, so when I came across this one (just released this year!), I was a bit giddy.
My Biggest Takeaway
In many Western countries, there’s a mismatch between how we expect babies to sleep and how babies actually sleep — and that mismatch can create a lot of anxiety and stress for new parents.
If you’re curious about where those expectations came from, and why so much of the common baby sleep advice and charts aren’t actually rooted in evidence, this book does a great job explaining the history behind it all.
A Few Key Things I Learned
🍼 Expecting and accepting disrupted sleep as part of early parenthood can make a big difference in how parents cope with it.
🌙 In many cultures, it’s common for babies and young children to sleep alongside their parents, especially their mothers. Families often go to bed at the same time, and children may sleep fewer total hours at night compared to English-speaking countries. These shared sleep patterns can help everyone’s rhythms stay more aligned.
🧠 Active sleep (rather than deep sleep) supports babies’ rapid brain growth and also helps protect against SIDS.
😴 Baby sleep development in the first year is non-linear — sometimes they’ll sleep longer stretches, and then other periods they’ll wake more often. That’s part of normal development.
📏 There’s no set amount of sleep a baby should get by certain ages — there is a wide range of normal and so every baby is different.
💤 Some babies need less help from their parents to fall asleep, but that’s the exception, not the rule. You don’t need to “teach” your baby how to sleep — it’s something they develop over time.
👶 Children’s sleep starts to resemble adult sleep around age six.
🌤️ Short naps are normal too. They help relieve “sleep pressure” — that’s the build-up of adenosine in the brain while we’re awake. When we sleep, that adenosine converts back into energy the body uses during the day.
🌤️ Keeping a consistent wake-up time can help support a baby’s sleep patterns throughout the day.
The Bottom Line
You don’t have to do anything special to “train” your baby to sleep. Disrupted sleep although difficult, is a normal part of early parenthood. And you can expect your baby to need you intensely for at least the first three years. Practicing radical acceptance, lowering expectations, and leaning on your support system can make this season more manageable.
So read books, take in advice, and gather information — while keeping in mind that you are the one observing and learning your child’s needs, so you are the most qualified to make decisions that you think are best for them.
Reflection Questions for Early Parenthood
Ask yourself:
“What can I let go of?” — Focus on what really matters right now, and give yourself permission to release the rest.
“What can I outsource?” — Look at your budget and your support network. Where can you delegate household tasks or responsibilities so you can make more room to rest, recover, and connect with your baby?
How I Can Help
As a doula, I help parents navigate those early months with practical, individualized support, providing information while guiding you to find the rhythms and tools that work for you now, so that parents may continue on their parenting journey with more confidence and joy.